John Gottman began his career doing research into what works for couples and what doesn’t, among those that stay together and those who don’t. Together with his wife Julie Gottman, they created The Sound Relationship House approach to couple counselling. They created exercises for couples to work on their Love Maps (how well do I know my partner these days); to share fondness and admiration, with 5-8 positives for every negative; to encourage partners to turn towards their partner (by words, body language, tone of voice and actions), not away or against. Partners note if their fundamental guess about their partner’s motives is positive or negative. Partners practice helpful ways to think about and manage conflict. And in a really good relationship, partners work together to make each other’s life dreams come true, and create shared meaning. All of these actions depend on shared trust and commitment.
The Gottmans have created specific, written exercises for couple therapy with questions and possible wordings to prompt the couple towards safety, healing, and closeness. A good primer is to practice with the Gottman Card Deck smart phone ap. The Gottman approach is thoroughly researched and is evidence-based.